Monday, August 11, 2008

My Story So Far....

Ok...I have four children right now. I know that most people would say "see this as a blessing and move on". Don't get me wrong, I do. I love my children intensely. r I love growing a child inside me, giving birth (even if it is by c-section, yes all four) breastfeeding, bonding, watching them grow, discovering their personalities, and learning about the world around them. I was once told that when you were "done" you knew. Well in the last stretch of my last pregnancy I felt that I was sooo done. Note to self: NEVER make a big decision when you are very pregnant. You are irrational. I don't journal my scrapbook when I'm very pregnant so why would I sign paperwork giving my doctor permission to cut and burn my fallopian tubes??? After my son (baby 4) turned 2, the old uterine ache returned with a vengeance. My husband was done with 4 so I let tried to discard the ache and just look forward to raising our 4. Then, after a ridiculous night of sobbing hysterically that I would never have another, my hubby told me that he too missed having a wee one. Not so much the newborn weeks that I craved but the days when my little ones no longer required my boobs and decided that their dad was a god. Yes, everyone of them did that to me :( Anyhoo, soon after my husband gave me the go ahead to consult with a doctor who specializes in tubal reversal.

Luckily I found one such doc whose practice was an hour from my home. At my consult he told me that given my history I was an excellent candidate for t.r. Yeaaa! After a physical exam, he thought that I might have a fibroid and ordered an ultrasound for the following week. I left the exam room practically floating down the hall to check out. Then I got the paperwork that sent me crashing back to earth. The cost was crazy out of our budget and of course insurance doesn't cover a dime. Maybe if we didn't have some debt already we could charge it on a few credit cards, but no we recently did a bunch of home improvements. Well, shit.

I went ahead to my ultrasound appointment. I already had convinced myself hello! I'm 27 why would I have fibroids?! The thought be hind this was if I had a fibroid big enough, insurance would pay for the operating room, anesthesia, etc. for the fibroid removal and then the dr would go ahead and fix my tubes and we would only have to pay 1/4 of the crazy fee. Leading up to my ultrasound I wished so hard for fibroids which is nuts! So, I'm lying on the examining table with an ultrasound probe up in me ready to hear that I have a perfectly healthy uterus. Low and behold, the tech says what I wanted soo badly to hear. There are TWO fibroids. Neither that big by themselves, but together take up about 1/2 of my uterus. Hot damn!

A week later I am back in the dr. office to discuss the ultrasound results. The doc them informs me that ultrasounds just measure density changes of the uterus. Umm, what? Yep, my fibroids could actually be
Abdominal scar endometrioma. This is where the thickening uterine lining "sticks" to my c-section scar. Ugg, not bad enough requiring surgery, I think. This brings us to today. I go to get an MRI to get a definite answer. I'm not sure what to hope for. Just get me in the O.R. where insurance will pay!! You know I don't get it. I pay out the ass for insurance, good insurance too, and THEY tell ME what I can have done and what I can't?? Whatever, the way it is I guess. Wish me luck! Please!